How much do we really know about this Donald “J.” Trump?
Just who is this straw-maned GOP presidential nominee, anyway?
Given the stunning lack of information about the tight-lipped, reserved Mr. Trump, it’s no wonder that conspiracy theories have taken root. (Let’s be honest about this.)
Consider a few of them:
- He originally ran for president as a publicity stunt. That’s the opinion of a former Trump insider, Stephanie Cegielski:
Almost a year ago, recruited for my public relations and public policy expertise, I sat in Trump Tower being told that the goal was to get The Donald to poll in double digits and come in second in delegate count. That was it.
Cegielski compares him to joke “American Idol” contestant Sanjaya. A low blow, to be sure.
- He’s running as revenge against being mocked by President Obama at the 2011 White House Correspondent’s Dinner.
His humiliation that night fed the great furnace of resentment in the cellar of his being, leading inexorably—at least in this version of the Trump candidacy—to his first real run at the presidency.
- He’s part of a liberal media plan to make sure Hillary Clinton becomes president. Among the folks holding this idea is Ted Cruz, according to the New Republic:
The media would sit on their most explosive Trump exposés until he’d won the nomination thanks to the invaluable free airtime they’d given him—and then destroy him with a series of damning revelations they’d been waiting to unleash.
- He’s part of his own plan to make sure Hillary becomes president. Via Gawker:
Donald Trump is in fact a false flag candidate whose actual mission is electing Hillary Clinton as President.
That Donald Trump is a bad motherf — shut yo mouth.
- He was a Republican plant, intended to make the rest of the GOP candidates look good. From the Huffington Post’s Jon Hotchkiss:
When Donald Trump drops out of the race — and he will – the last Republican standing can proudly tell the American people: “It’s OK to vote for us … we got rid of the guy who hates women, Latinos, Muslims and loves the KKK.”
Of course, Trump didn’t drop out. Maybe he knew about the conspiracy?
- His hair is made out of corn silk and hay. Not true, says Gawker: It’s actually a weave costing $60,000. But then again, has anybody ever touched it?
- And finally — and I know this is going to be hard to believe — Donald Trump is an alien.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. An alien? Trump may be many things, but he was certainly born here on Earth, right?
Well, he was tailed by a UFO. Suspicious, right? And look at his face. It’s orange. And look at his eating habits (if you can). KFC with a knife and fork. Pizza with a knife and fork. Taco bowls. The man is, in the words of the Guardian’s Dave Schilling,
Beldar Conehead – hoping to fit in, while smoking an entire pack of cigarettes at once.
Watch out, humans! It’s a cookbook!
The hair via Gawker