Dogs understand you, cats don’t give a rat’s ass

“I hear you loud and clear, sir.” Image from

From the AP:

Researchers in Hungary scanned the brains of dogs as they were listening to their trainer speaking to determine which parts of the brain they were using.

They found that dogs processed words with the left hemisphere, while intonation was processed with the right hemisphere — just like humans.

What’s more, the dogs only registered that they were being praised if the words and intonation were positive; meaningless words spoken in an encouraging voice, or meaningful words in a neutral tone, didn’t have the same effect.
Given that this study was conducted by actual scientists — neuroscientists, to be precise — I’ll assume that they came to their conclusion rigorously and logically, and not the way the more studied Gary Larson came to his:
Still, all I can think of is my cats, Gillespie and Oscar. All they respond to is the opening of a can, the shake of a bag of a treats and me yelling, “Oscar! Get down from there!”
But as for actual language, if I want to make myself clear I have to make that throat-clearing “ck-ck” sound like they do when they’re curious.
In other words, I’m speaking their language.
Good luck, dogs.

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