Yesterday, Politico ran a piece on what could still happen to make 2020 the wackiest, wildest, most incredible election year in history.
As if this year hasn’t been anxiety-provoking enough already.
Politico’s possibilities: Trump drops out. Trump dumps Pence. McConnell dumps Trump. Biden gets sick. Trump struggles to drink a glass of water, stands up for the Confederate flag, and ignores (or dismisses) reports that the Russians paid the Taliban for killing U.S. troops. (Oh, wait. Those aren’t in the Politico story.)
I don’t know why they don’t get really crazy, though. Many years ago, “Saturday Night Live” had a recurring sketch called “What If?” in which a panel of somber experts gravely debated silly suggestions such as, “What if Eleanor Roosevelt could fly?”
So how about these possibilities for the remainder of 2020:
- What if Joe Biden turns into a Transformer? I don’t know if Transformers are resistant to Covid-19, but being one would certainly allow Biden to travel from place to place with ease. However, not everyone thinks his martial arts expertise would help him beat the president.
Seems like a bit of a cheat, if you ask me.
- What if Donald Trump became a rhinoceros? That tie would sure look funny, but the effect on national politics would be the same. Expect a lot of broken crockery in the White House, and the horn dyed a funny shade of orange-blond.
- What if the pope ended up as the kicker for the Oakland Raiders? Unlikely? You obviously weren’t around in the early ‘70s. Besides, though Pope Francis claims he was a mediocre soccer player, I’ll bet he could clear the uprights at 40 yards.
- What if the Washington Monument attacks the Empire State Building? The Empire State has the size and that antenna, but let’s not discount 555 feet of solid marble, granite and gneiss. Also, can you imagine the destruction on Fifth Avenue? Zach Snyder would have an orgasm.
- What if Chris Cillizza wrote moronic columns like this one? Well, some things aren’t hypotheticals.
Ephemereality 